“I watched the dismantling of my life. My career in medicine was over. I couldn’t even care for myself properly and I couldn’t drive anymore. No one told me not to it was self-imposed. I still don’t drive to this day. If I have a spasm behind the wheel, if my leg moves on its own onto the gas peddle hard? I can’t get behind the wheel knowing that if one neuro symptom happens I could kill someone. I knew better than most. I can’t even begin to quantify the number of accident scenes I either responded to or received in the ER. I can not be so selfish as to drive and end up wishing I never had while I watch someone be loaded into an ambulance because of me.”
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“Despite leading a life of crazy twists and turns that had literally put me into the history books. I had served in leadership and vice-chaired the commerce committee. It was normal to see me leaving the state house changing clothes and clocking in at the hospital. There were times I would respond to 911 calls in my hometown or pull a 24-hour pier diem shift with a private ambulance company. I helped to teach new EMTS at a college and acted as the National Legislative Coordinator and member of the board of directors for a national women’s organization. I had so many other unpaid activist positions it could be a real bear trying to keep it all going. I remember we once wrote down all the things I was doing and titles I had and it amounted to a full page. I saw nothing but failure. You know I think back to that now and see the sad person I was then. All that work to try to find love and belonging all the while never realizing the only person I needed to find comfort with was myself.”
