I never knew cancer could have so many cousins. That the medication to prevent a third cancer round could take my sight. Out of fear came acceptance and determination, and that made me free in my art, as I paint the way the world appears when my eyes are being jerks. Colors I never felt before come out bright and amazing, feeling warm on the canvas. Freedom to just allow the brush to flow, to see the horizon in my own way, to feel it looking back at me and pulling me into that peace. Fear became tenacity. Discomfort became a co-pilot. The tamoxifen retinopathy is a permanent resident in me, but no longer as a thief, but a partner when paint meets canvas. I’m one in a million with this disorder, but it does not define me. Little pieces of me make themselves visible and valuable in each piece I work on, in all the many forms I see, as my eyes change on any given day.
