Sometimes people meaning well will say things that in theology are not true. G-d did not give me cancer, or bad genetics, nature and the environment did that. The doctors will do all they can to care for me no matter what the outcome, but what does G-d do?
I use to have that feeling of how I must have done something to deserve it all, but reality is that is far from truth. G-d doesn’t give people cancer or crps what Hashem does provide is strength, courage, love and support. To believe otherwise we would have to believe that children are “given cancers” that are most beloved who have suffered did so at the hands of G-d? NO, far from truth, it simple is. That can be a hard one, but sometimes things simple are as they are. No matter your beliefs if you gain nothing else, please take away nothing bad that happens is done “to you” because of anything you have thought about, done, made a mistake in.
We all get to be human, warts and all as it is said. What we look for is someone or something to blame for the things that hurt us, break our hearts, or cause suffering. Realistically there is nothing and no one to blame for anything. Circumstances happen, we hope they don’t we try to work to prevent bad things, but i the end there will be sadness in our lives.
So what to do with the sadness, for me it use to turn into rage, and there are times when that evil inclination still tries to pop up or is even successful. It’s changed though, in finding my way back to faith I found a peace I did not know. At a moment when most expected me to loose that faith, and even I wondered if I could, I did and all because of the simple understanding. I did nothing, G-d is not punishing me, but he will help me be brave, stronger, and send hugs to hold my tears. If anything as I sit here not knowing if I have cancer for a third time and if so how bad. Knowing that having crps type two can cause some days to be full of pain while others it’s manageable, but I know that Hashem did not give me reflex sympathetic dystrophy. I know and I feel stronger from that knowledge.
Funny, i have been reading as much as I can eating up all the information and feeling my faith in a way I have never known; in those readings I found Rabbi Kushner and it is his writings that have helped me see the reality of our faith and our world.
Hashem is loving and strengthens us, he does not punish us, she does not hurt us on purpose. Hashem provides us strength and courage to be vulnerable and survive the storms.